Unviolated Purity

I’m going to tell you a true story about me.  It is a sad story.  And it happened along time ago.  It is the story of the day I lost my innocence…at least I believed I had.  And that belief broke me in a way that I thought could not be repaired.  🙂

When I was nine years old, my parents and I came out west to visit my uncle.  While we were here, we decided to go to Mexico for the day.  When we asked about shopping in the foreign country, we were told  “You bargain with these people.”

So when the time came to purchase and pay for a curio I was buying, I tried to bargain.  I thought it was the accepted way to do business in that culture.  And it was/is.  However, the man who was working in the store decided to take advantage of my innocence.  When I was talking to him, he slipped his hand below my waist and felt my young quivering body.  It was humiliating.  And worse, I couldn’t scream to make him stop.  I just stood there and waited.  I was so shocked.  I could not move.  I am very lucky he did not pull me into an adjoining room and do more.

Just minutes later, my mom came and we met my father.  They put me on top of a donkey with a sombrero and took my picture.

“That is the first picture I’ve taken in the time of my unpurity. I’ll never be good enough again,”  I thought to myself as tears welled up in my eyes.  I believed I would be forever soiled and dirty because of what that man did.  For years, I blamed myself.  “Maybe if I hadn’t worn a halter top and shorts. Maybe if I hadn’t gone into that shop.”  I did not tell my mother about it for seven long years.  The words just could not leave my mouth.

It took me a long time to realize that no one can take that pure part of yourself from you.  A flap of skin doesn’t make you pure.  Your intentions make you pure.  And if you intend to be with people you love and share love with them, you are a pure person.  (Just be careful with the boys – their lack of knowing what they want/feel can make them hard to rely upon.) If you have a soul, then you are a divine being.  You have purity and no one can take that from you.  Just remember that, my sweet sister Purity.  We women go through things that try to destroy us.  But WE decide if we will allow it.  Do not allow it, my sweet sister.  My purity is mine and your purity is yours.  It hasn’t been lost to you. XXOO

Unviolated Purity